How to Be a Literal Hero
Don't have a cow, man
Literally millions of people get truly bent out of shape when the word literally is used to describe something metaphorical. Purists really have a cow over the use of literally for emphasis. I actually did a metric ton of research on literally that I hope will put out acceptance of the figurative use of the word once and for all.
Some of you will have jumped on the word literally in that first paragraph, knowing what I was up to, and then realized that it probably is literally millions of people who get bent out of shape. Etymology Online says literally means according to the exact meaning of the word or words used.
But do these literal millions get truly bent out of shape?
True means consistent with fact, real, honest. That seems at least as strong a testament to reality as literally. The implication is that millions of people are literally bending into different shapes. That can't be the literal reality. And while we're talking about reality, what about really? Real means actually existing as opposed to what is imagined. That seems to preclude metaphor, so I suppose no one is really having a cow over the use of literally. And if real means actual, then probably I didn't actually do a metric ton of research. I don't even know what a metric ton of research would look like.
When you use literally for emphasis, you're forcing it to act as its own antonym, declaring a hyperbole or metaphor to be the unvarnished truth. In other words, you're declaring something to be literal when it's figurative. There are tons of words that act as their own antonyms all the time. They’re called contronyms.
Diehard pedants, and some grammar checking software, rush in to replace literally with figuratively, resulting in mealy, misguided sentences like I figuratively died laughing. You could argue that I died laughing is stronger than I literally died laughing, but you can't make a case for I figuratively anything.
The use of literally to emphasize hyperbole and metaphor goes back to at least 1769. Literally all the writers you can think of use it this way: Charles Dickens, Charlotte Brontë, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Mark Twain, and boatloads more. Ambrose Bierce didn't like it, but whatever.
If you don't like the use of literally for things that are figurative, then you have to stop using really, actually, truly, and possibly very as well. I'm here to tell you: using literally for emphasis is literally heroic.